KISSED BY A GRANDMA

I wish I could say that the title is clickbait, but it is not. We went to a house and the son Sebastián is a member and no one else is. there was this grandma sitting in her wheelchair and my comp shook her hand and so did I, but grandma wouldn't let go of my hand. I look down and grandma's just staring at me smiling. she started trying to pull me in and I'm like yo what's goin on here. I held my ground but she kept pulling me with her grandma strength. it went on for about 15 seconds then she said something to everyone in Spanish to everyone and everyone went "ohhhh sí Elder." I don't have a clue what she said but it was something flirty about me and man I was so uncomfortable. then she said something else I didn't understand and her daughter goes, "she wants you to give her a hug." And it's in Spanish so in my head I'm like, "yo I had to have translated that wrong." But I said ok and went in and gave her the most awkward hug ever, then I went to walk away AND SHE STILL WOULDNT LET GO OF MY HAND. she then says something else in spanish I didn't understand and her daughter says, "she wants you to give her a kiss." in my head I'm like, "nah I definitely translated that one wrong, ain't no way. so I said, "huh??" And again she said, "she wants you to give her a kiss." everyone was looking and I was like, "this has to be culture stuff." So I went in and gave her a kiss on the cheek and granny freaking tried to kiss my lips but I swerved that so hard. never felt more uncomfortable. the entire rest of the lesson she started at me smiling and then looked at her daughter and said, "él es muy guapo." I was like yo granny if you flipped the genders right now you'd be behind bars. I wanted to die. great lesson though fr.

the same day we also found this lady who was just peeing herself everywhere and if ended up being someone our roommates are teaching. then she got taken to a mental hospital. 

this guy ran up to us the other day and told us he's a member but he's a registered sex offender and our church is too close to the high school for him to legally go and he wanted us to help him. I don't know what he wanted us to do. he wanted us to pull a Patrick Star and push the church further away from the Alaskan Bull Worm (if you know you know).

there's literally stray cats everywhere I probably see 100 a day. and they're literally in gangs repping Crips and Bloods in the streets.  it's pretty sick. also I got a trait from my dad where whenever I see a little dog that's yapping, I wanna punt it as hard as I can. there's chihuahuas everywhere yapping and I'm constantly using all my strength not to literally throw it into oncoming traffic. I went into a lesson the other day and a little dog jumped on my hand and started peeing all over my brand new Spider-Man watch. I wanted to throw that dog like a frisbee into a wall. and then yesterday, this dog was barking at me the ENTIRE lesson then it went over to my bag, sniffed it, lifted its leg, and peed all over it. it took all the strength in me to not drop kick that dog. I'm tested daily.

also I got the best compliment ever yesterday. in a lesson, I was talking about the importance of temples and the feelings we get inside them and when I finished talking, the man just sat there looking at me. then he asked, "how long have you been in the mission?" And in my head I was like, "oh no I just botched that so hard with my Spanish, this is bad." so I told him I've been out 5 months but I've been Spanish for 5 weeks. and he said, "no that's not true." I said, "sí." And he said, "ohh so you knew Spanish before the mission?" I said, "no, I knew 0 spanish." And he said, "you're telling me you've been speaking Spanish for only 5 weeks?!!" Then he started going off about how amazing my spanish is and he said, "while you explained that, I felt the spirit so strong Elder. you are such a powerful speaker. you explained the feelings in the temple better than I could ever explain it and I've been speaking Spanish for 50 years. I've been learning English for 8 years and your Spanish is better than my english." I gotta say I was on cloud 10. I'm super hard on myself with my Spanish so it was amazing to hear that!!

anyways I got transfer news and I'm staying hear and getting a new companion!! he's from Mexico so he should be able to help my Spanish a lot! I'm so hyped! I've been doing great here. the past week, me and my roommates have been listening to sleep stories so we've been falling asleep to Morgan freeman, Matthew McConaughey, and LeBron James. it's so lit. I love it here and love you all!! Jesucristo vive!!